


KVN, The Perfect

by ultraviolnce



Category: Final Space (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, Other, Self Insert, readerxcanon - Freeform, writing gary made me very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:00:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24430213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultraviolnce/pseuds/ultraviolnce
Summary: The door opens and you see him, with his perfect spherical shape, those strong metal arms and tender clampy hand things, his dead and lifeless eye moves to scan the room so smoothly before he floats majestically to the cookies. Mesmerized, you ask the group breathlessly, “Who is that?”
Relationships: readerxkvn
Comments: 7
Kudos: 11





	KVN, The Perfect

**Author's Note:**

> fuck you, Official Final Space Discord, I made this oneshot for your KVN-loving bastard cult. Enjoy.

You sat down in the booth of the Galaxy-One, holding cards close to you as the others went around the table-- token hot girl, generic white man and blue Garfield were talking about something stupid you didn’t really care to listen to. Something about saving the universe. Pff, whatever. You wait for them to shut up and make their bets so you can show off your obviously superior hand for this round that is taking forever because these idiots can’t get their minds off of heroism and justice, eyes drifting to the cookie dispenser across the room that Gerald likes so much.

The door opens and you see him, with his perfect spherical shape, those strong metal arms and tender clampy hand things, his dead and lifeless eye moves to scan the room so smoothly before he floats majestically to the cookies. Mesmerized, you ask the group breathlessly, “Who is that?”

They stop their useless drivel to look at the true godly being who has captivated your attention. Like fools they stare, completely confused as they are drooling morons who clearly do not understand they are in the presence of greatness. 

“Who?” The girl whose name you forgot nor care to remember speaks, “KVN?”

“KVN.” You repeat that beautiful name, nothing so perfect has ever been said, and it is perfect for him. 

“Yeah,” Blue Garfield muses spitefully, clearly jealous of this great and perfect robot who has graced the room, “He’s… well, he’s KVN. Don’t mind him much.”

“KJACSNCSNCS!” The completely uninteresting man chimes in, screaming his words as he is a buffoon. “AKLSKLSKLSAKLDJ. KJCBJKSCJK!”

You ignore their petty attempts to keep the secrets of this great and wonderful KVN to themselves and work up the courage to stand and approach him. The flawless man-bot before you darts his clamp into the cookie dispensary with a precision that would make any sharpshooter cry (you can almost hear Blue Garfield doing just that). He raises the cookie to his smooth, shiny processor slot and jabs it in, humming and making chewing sounds. Your heart just melts at how cute he is when he tries to eat. You leave the plebeians at their table and step before your destiny. KVN stops smashing the cookie into his breath-taking face and looks at you with his cold and unfeeling robot eye.

You take a deep, nervous breath and offer him a smile. “Hi, you’re KVN, right? I’m [your name], I’ve heard so much about you.” you tell him.

“Hiii!” He greets you coolly, tossing his cookie aside. You hear the blond idiot scream again but you don’t care as KVN takes your hand. You can’t help but blush at the contact, his hand clamp is so cold against your hand. “I’m KVN, I’m kind of in charge around here--”

“No he’s not,” the jealous woman replies in a huff from the booth, not looking up from her cards lest she give away how angry she truly is that KVN is paying attention to you and not her. 

“--Sooooo if you need anything, I am your guy!” KVN continued so kindly, ignoring the hateful responses. You shoot the trio of simpletons a dirty look for only a moment before turning to bask in his flawless glory again. 

“Well, I would love a tour of the ship and maybe for you, a big strong robot, to walk me back to my room?” You ask shyly, blushing more. 

“I would be honored,” KVN flirts, offering his hot, noodle-y arm for you to take and you both leave the room for your lovely tour date.

“SKCJNSCJNCS???” The blond screams stupidly as you leave the fools to their boring game and even more boring lives.

“I dunno what the hell to tell you.” Blue Garfield replies in a petty tone, angry he is not on the glorious KVN’s arm.

You walk with KVN as he floats around, telling you in all his glorious knowledge about how he single-handedly cares for the ship and all the simple people inside, and how they are all so jealous of his beauty and intelligence and talent. You nod your head in agreement-- they do seem jealous! And they should be, knowing they’ll never be as great as your true love, KVN. You feel sorry for them, knowing they’ll never be as happy as you and KVN will be as you roam the halls together, talking and laughing. KVN even serenades you with his beautiful song under the light of the stars.

“Oh baby, KVN’s got the magic--and the magic has KVN!” he croons in his perfect voice, so amazing and charming you cannot help but swoon and applaud for him. He takes a bow before taking your hands. “Oh [Your name], I have had such a great time with you,” he whispers charmingly and you blush again. 

“I’ve had fun too, KVN. I am so glad I met you,” you tell him honestly, looking away shyly. It’s so hard to look upon the face of perfection for too long! KVN valiantly offers you his arm and you take it, so happy and blushy over this magical robot being so chivalrous as he takes you back to your room for the night. As you walk you see the bland and envious woman from cards watch you in mock concern as she obviously thinks about how she deserves to be on KVN’s arm more than you. You flip your hair as you walk by her and cuddle into KVN’s freezing cold body. 

You reach your door and he reluctantly lets you go, looking into your eyes with such an intensity you feel weak. You do your best to be courageous as you ask him sweetly, “KVN, you have been so wonderful to me, and you are clearly the most handsome and perfect of everyone here-- may I kiss you?”

“Of course,” KVN replies smoothly, offering you a wink with only one eye that looks like a blink. Excited, you pull him close by his non-cheeks and kiss his processor slot, full of cookie crumbs and hair. It’s glorious and perfect and you cry a little, you are sure KVN is too.

You both part and breathlessly, you whisper to him, “Will you stay with me and protect me from all the awful people here tonight? Especially the green orb of doom and follows me and demands to maul my face?”

“Of course, my love!” KVN replied kindly, dropping into your arms. You open the door and spot the gay cat and his stupid friend watching you jealously, knowing they will never have a love as deep and meaningful as yours and KVN’s. Victorious, you flip them off before carry your new robot soulmate into your room to rest.

**Author's Note:**

> If you read all the way through, congrats you poor suckers. I love you though


End file.
